


Be My Mistake

by vexutopia



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner - Freeform, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Fluff, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Past Drug Use, Spencer Reid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25231849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vexutopia/pseuds/vexutopia
Summary: Hotch and Reid have an arrangement they both claim to appreciate, but it’s eating at them both for different reasons.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Original Female Character(s), Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid/Original Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m taking a break from ‘Yesterday’s Full Moon’, because my draft got deleted and it made me angry. So enjoy this! ( Might be continued).

It was rainy in Virginia. It had seemed to be raining for a while, and if it were not, the sky was a deep grey. Aaron could hardly remember the last time he’d seen the sun. Even he and Jack had to stay inside often, because they never knew when it was going to rain or just be cloudy. There were things that made the rainy nights in Quantico easier, especially when Jack was visiting his aunt Jessica. There were people Aaron liked, people at bars who would forget him in the morning. Of course there were people who knew him like the back of their hand, inside out, every part of him, every piece of his personality; but they were few. Spencer was one of them.

The arrangement began shortly after the death of Hotchner’s wife. Aaron had came back far too early for anyone’s liking, and a case in Miami threw the pair together. It was all teeth and tongue and a struggle for dominance. There was no love. No preparation. Nothing was sweet of loving about it. It was a textbook definition of sex. And Spencer could not meet Aaron’s eyes in the morning. The two of them blamed it on alcohol they had not had, and went their separate ways.

Then, it happened again in New York. Once more in Maine, and twice in Philadelphia. They swore never to do it in Quantico. Aaron was the one to break that rule. He invited Spencer over, and the agent came, eyes empty, as if his body was on autopilot and his mind was on vacation. The arrangement continued, even through Beth, Hotch’s girlfriend he met while training. A piece of Beth knew, the way they were tensed around one another showed that, but Aaron was all over her. It hurt the agent to see, and Beth knew that. Part of her wanted Spencer to hurt, so he’d know that he and Aaron would never happen again.

But it did.

Tonight in particular, aforementioned, Jack was sleeping over at Jessica’s. Hotch found himself, almost robotically, getting dressed. The drive to Spencer’s apartment was memorized. He knocked once, and the door came open. A man was leaving, one Hotch didn’t recognize. A one night stand, he assumed, and his suspicions proved true when the stranger scoffed and commented about how Spencer was all his. Hotch found Spencer in his bedroom, sitting with his head in his hands.

He’d been crying. Hotch made coffee for him, and it felt domestic, until Reid threw himself at his superior. Hotch caught him by the waist, and it was a wrestle to remove clothes. Again came thr painfully formal act of fornication, where Hotch would hardly so much as _look_ at Spencer, not because he didn’t want to, but because he could not bring himself to meet those dead eyes. When he entered him, Hotch dragged his hands through over Spencer’s arms.

”You lost weight.”

”Don’t talk,” Spencer instructed, before he hooked his arms around Hotch’s neck and pulled him closer.

Aaron’s hands slipped under Spencer and he pulled him closer, his back nearly off the bed. Aaron dragged his hands through Spencer’s hair, nearly pulling it. Spencer dragged his hands down Aaron’s back, wincing when teeth sunk into his shoulder, but he was too far away to object. Spencer had been slipping. He felt himself slipping right after Miami. And his downward spiraled only continued. Aaron finished, as did Spencer a few minutes later. He was gone far too early, leaving Spencer to clean up. It killed Hotch to leave him, but Reid never asked him to stay.

Rossi was the first to notice Reid’s behavior. They had gone to lunch together. Rossi had mentioned something about wanting to do a book signing in Italy, and he offered Reid an invitation. The smile Reid gave did not reach his baggy, darkened eyes. Rossi tried to talk to Reid, but the agent wouldn’t budge. He left the seasoned author in that cafe, and left disdain in the air along with him. JJ spoke too, and although he confided in her, he told her of everything but Hotch. The night in Miami, to JJ’s knowledge, was with a stranger. It wasn’t his first time, but Reid still wanted it to be nice. When it wasn’t, he had cried, but that stranger had left him to immediately shower, as if he were dirty. It hurt in a different way.

The second night Hotch came over, Jack was at a sleepover. Reid had been the one to ask Hotch over, and the older agent was there in record time. As soon as Reid opened the door, Hotch had grabbed him and pressed him to the wooden door that closed with the weight of them both. When Reid looked away, Hotch got concerned.

”What’s wrong?” Aaron pressed.

”Won’t you be nice to me?” Spencer’s voice broke.

Aaron pressed his thumb to a bite mark that was on Spencer’s collarbone. He nodded, and kissed over Reid’s neck and shoulders. Reid wrapped his arms around Hotch’s neck, and traced hands through his hair. For the first time since they began, Hotch spent the night. Reid fell asleep with Hotch’s arms around him, and he felt content. In the morning, Reid awoke to an empty bed. He looked towards the floor, thinking that Hotch might have just went to shower, but his clothes were gone. Reid landed back on the bed with a bounce. Just as he was beginning to fall asleep, his phone buzzed with a message from JJ.

The case was in Miami, of all places. The unsub was killing women who worked for wealthy families. Things were normal, until a female detective caught Hotch’s interest. She looked vaguely like his ex-wife. Spencer thought briefly about how things went the last time Hotch liked someone. Reid tried to hide his jealousy. On the night they completed the case, Reid invited Hotch to his hotel room. He was met with denial, Hotch was going back with that woman, and Reid was left to his own devices.

Bars in Miami were easy to find, and Reid needed a drink. He was approached by a man, and he went home with him. When he opened his eyes the sunlight and the sound of birds, Reid knew he had fucked up. He got up and got dressed, and he left as quietly as he could. He got the chance to look at his phone. He had at least ten missed calls from everyone. Even Hotch. That made him smile.

He called JJ.

’Spence?’ Her voice was loud, ‘Where are you? You missed the jet! Rossi said he’ll send you money to get home if you need it. Christ, Spence, are you safe?’

”Yeah,” Reid sighed, “I don’t need money. I went out for drinks.”

’Where are you?’ He heard Morgan call.

”Miami.” Reid replied, then he hung up.

When Reid got to the office, two days later, Hotch had to suspend him for his reckless behavior. Reid asked about the detective.

”Reid,” Hotch’s voice was cold, “That’s my personal business.”

”What am I?” Reid asked, his voice tired, “What am I to you, Aaron?”

Hotch frowned, “Reid. That was a mistake. I’m sorry. It can’t happen again.”

”Figures,” Reid scoffed, “You just use people. You used me, you used Beth, and I bet you used your ex-wife too.”

Hotch stood, “You’re out of line, Reid. You need to go, now.”

”Oh, it’s my turn to leave?” Reid stood too, “I half expected you to leave when I wasn’t looking. When I was asleep.”

”Spencer. We established what we were.”

”We did not!” Reid yelled, and he just knew the team looked up at the muffled shout, “We never did, and that’s the issue! You never told me! It happened, and after the first time you said it shouldn’t have. But it did, again and again!”

”Please lower your voice.”

”Why?” Reid was nearly hysterical, “You don’t want anyone to know? That’s so typical, Aaron.”

”Hotch,” he corrected, “You call me Hotch”

Reid froze, “I hate you so much.”

He left then, slamming the door as loudly and roughly as he could. He marched past wide eyes, and took the stairs so he wouldn’t have to awkwardly wait for the elevator. Hotch sat in his seat, and immediately busied his hands with organizing his desk. He didn’t love Reid. He had figured the younger agent knew that their connection never meant anything deeper than sex. Hotch stared off into space for a long while, before he ran his fingers through his hair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i turn this into a full fic?

The one slip-up in Miami turned into a chorus of various men in various places, mostly in DC. These were married men too, ones who wanted to keep their relationship with Reid quiet, and the agent, already spiraling, had no issue with keeping them a secret. There was a reoccurring men, Malcolm-something, who left blossoms of blue and purple on Reid’s skin, not that the agent cared, he wore enough layers to cover it up. There arose an incident however, a shootout in Rhode Island, in some off-the-beaten-path town with way too many junkie teens, where Reid was shot twice in one arm; and Morgan rode in the ambulance while EMTs cut off the agent’s slacks.

Normally Morgan would turn away. He would squeeze Reid’s arm and keep his eyes on his colleagues. He’d respect his modesty and give Reid the level of respect to not look at his body. This time, he happened to glance down, ready to tease the slurring friend of his about the sunflower print on his boxers, but his voice fell still. There were bruises, so many of them, so many that the paramedics hands stilled for a split second before they quickened.

Morgan stared and stared, his grip becoming weak, confusion flooding his features. He thought of Hotchner first. He and Reid had been butting heads lately. And a while ago it became clear that Reid had been sleeping with men. After the incident in Miami, Morgan kept a watchful eye on him. He noticed Reid’s disdain towards Hotch. He noticed the sickened eyes, the downcast expression, the subtle scowl on his tired, pale face. 

The sirens stopped, and Reid was wheeled to surgery. Morgan followed for as long as he could before he was stopped. He wondered about the bruises. He paced in the waiting room of the hospital until JJ came, but she could not stop him. It was not until Hotch commented about how he might run a tunnel into the carpet did Morgan stop, and a tension filled the air, one that neither agent could really place. Morgan didn’t know, logically, if he could direct his anger towards Hotch, but he was frustrated with someone, though certainly not with Spencer.

The small-town doctor who had a bit of a big head told the team only one person was allowed into the room at one time, and Morgan begged for the opportunity to see his best friend. The closer he got to the room, the more he dreaded seeing his friend. Reid was up, when he opened the door, holding his gun.

”Switching it to safety,” he explained as he trotted back to the bed.

Morgan saw the bruises on his back through the slit as he sat down. Reid was wearing some plain white boxers, and somehow they looked terribly off on him, but he must’ve begged those nurses for some kind of covering underneath that hospital gown. 

“Spencer.”

Reid looked to him, quite strangely one might add, almost as if he did not believed Morgan was standing there. It was like he expected himself to be able to reach out and right through Morgan.

”Derek?”

”Spencer, is someone hitting you?”

Reid looked away, “I knew you might ask that.”

”Do you have a response?”

”It’s nothing I don’t want,” Reid stared at his hands, “I’m sure you understand that.”

”Is it Hotch?”

The laigh Reid released was too bitter for Morgan’s liking. He must’ve hit a nerve. There was something about the question.

”No,” Reid shook his head, “Hotch never hit me.”

”Did you sleep with him?” Morgan stepped closer.

”Yes.” Reid nodded, “After Hayley.”

Morgan stopped. He tried not to make it look like he was too shocked. He didn’t want Reid thinking he was judging him.

”Was it romantic? Like, did you two date?”

”No. I think he used me. And I used him too.” Another bitter laugh, “I’ve used too many people.”

Morgan walked closer. The bed dipped as he sat on it. He wanted nothing more than to heal Reid’s pain. It hurt seeing his best friend in pain. He loved Reid, though not romantically, he still wanted to cherish and protect him. 

“Reid, do you love Hotch?”

Reid paused. The room was silent for a while. Morgan touched Reid’s shoulder, and the younger agent leaned over and pressed his head to Morgan’s arm. They sat like that, in the company of one another, until Reid was ready to reply.

”I don’t know.”


End file.
